Ouch

I have always heard the saying 'the truth hurts' but never really believed it until last night.  It sure did sting and boy did I need it!

There are few times in my life I feel like wallowing in self pity.  Yesterday was one of those days.  I thought I had good reason.   I have a constant pressure on me with a marriage that isn't always perfect, a new job that is getting the best of me, financial stresses that seem to never stop,  then the biggie...

My little girl spread her wings.  She decided the best way to get her life on track is to join the US Navy.  I couldn't be more proud, she made the nuclear program which means a future so bright she's gotta wear shades.  She was set to leave on March 6, 2012.  I had plenty of time to prepare myself...two days later she gets the call..."how about you leave in 5 days?"

On Tuesday I had 8 months to prepare for her to leave, on Monday she was gone.   She pulled me aside before going into her MEPS meeting and said "I will tell you goodbye here, I can't cry in front of a room full of Marines."  We said our goodyes and I watched her walk down the hall saying "I'll see you in about a year Mommy, I love you."

I made it through Tuesday because I had to, I got to talk to her either by phone or text 3 times Tuesday which helped.  The third time we spoke she sounded tired and scared and said "the next time we will be able to talk is in 2-3 weeks." 

Wednesday everything made me angry.  Not one thing went right with my job so I gave up trying at about 9:00am.  No one driving anywhere knew how to drive.  I couldn't eat. When I did eat I ate redvines or brownies left over from the going away party.  The only time I wasn't crying was when I was hiding my tears from my younger daughter who desperately misses her sister too.

I started complaining to a friend.  A true friend that isn't afraid to tell me the truth, even if it stings.  She said "You have to stop!!!!"  She reminded me that this is an answer to many prayers.  This is what we all need and is a blessing, told me to stop it, get out of the house, force myself to get it together and deal in healthy ways.  She reminded me that I HAVE NO CONTROL of this.  She laid it out..."start your day in the Word" let her go on her new adventure and pray pray pray for her.

Wow back to that lesson again, I seem to never learn...I am not in control.

This morning I woke to a new day...Thank you Jesus.  Before I got out of bed I asked God for guidance, prayed for my Navy Nuke girl and the rest of my family.  I thanked Him for putting people in my life that love me enough to tell me the truth and snap me out of a pity party.   I grabbed a cup of coffee a healthy morning snack and my good ole bible.  What a difference a day makes.  I miss my girl like crazy but she is in the hands of the US Navy and even bigger than that, she has been laid at the feet of the most awesome God, the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords!  Her new adventure is going to bring her a new life on earth but I have faith like never before that she is  takingsteps towards the riches of the kingdom of God.

I studied the book of James this morning.  James writes that faith without deeds is useless.   With the sun rising this morning I looked at the beauty around me.  Every detail made me smile, the sunshine, the butterflies, even the spider webs looked amazing glistening in the sun light.  Instead of looking at my deeds on earth showing my faith, I started looking at God's deeds.  Without His deeds I would not know Him, I doubt that I would want to know Him and I am certain that I wouldn't trust Him.  James also writes that the tongue can corrupt a whole person, set a whole course in someones life on fire.  Last night my tongue was speaking fire into my spirit, blinding me to the truth, the blessings in my life, allowing me to see nothing but a pitiful sorrowful self.  This is not what God wants for me or for my children as they set off on their own adventures.  

I ended my time in the Word  in James 4:15 "...you do not even know what will happen tomorrow.  What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, 'If it is the Lord's will, we will live and this or that."

I am just a mist, I am not in control of everything.  The only thing I am in control of are my decisions.  I have decided that I need to give each day to God; to listen to His desires;to speak life, not death; to live not by faith alone but by my deeds so that I can share the glory of my Father.  

I have a dear friend to thank for always telling me the truth, even when it hurts.

Thank you God for another day not promised and for your Son who died because of your love for me.