The Test

It's been awhile since I've blogged.  I have been learning a lesson on letting go. 

A few months ago I thought I laid everything at His feet.  I gave my daughter's lives to Him and stopped trying to fix everything.  Every time I take a step forward on my walk of faith I seem to take a step back.  Fortunately this time it was more like I stalled instead of moving backwards. 

After laying it down and following instructions from a man that I trust is speaking God's words to "get in the driver's seat" I was tested again.

I was offered a new job, actually a career.  When we got down to the all important money, I was frankly disappointed at best.  No pay increase with a huge increase in responsiblilty from what I am doing now.  I was ready to tell them not a chance but I decided not to. I needed to wait, think about it, pray on it and listen to what God wants for me.  The next morning I woke with a new attitude.  I was reminded that just days before, I was wishing for a job that had more flexibility so I can spend more time with my girls, spend more time with God, spend more time taking care of my home and be able to get in the driver's seat.  Here it is, dropped right into my lap.  Everything I asked for and then some.  I get to work from home and make my own schedule.  I took the step of faith and accepted the opportunity to be in the driver's seat and cannot wait see what God has in store for me.

The second test, and the biggest was putting my faith in God for my girls.  My oldest who is 19 mentioned she was thinking of joining the Navy.  I asked my bible study group to pray for her.  What I was asking for was not my will, that she not leave me, but that what God wants in her life is where she is led. Last week she called me at work and happily announced that she had decided she is definitely joining.  Even though I know it is best for my family, especially her, I lost it.  I couldn't believe my reaction, I was bawling like a baby.  Here I am asking for God's will when what I really wanted was my will.  I am constantly asking to hear His voice.  I try to so hard to hear Him, to just listen.  This was a light bulb moment.  I do hear, I just don't hear what I expect and not always what I want.  This was the hard part of the test...listen to something I don't want to hear. Although it has been gradual, I am accepting her decision.  As I type this she is taking her entry exam and preparing to choose her career path next week.  Wow, my baby in the Navy.  I couldn't be more proud of her courage and desire to better her life.  That is the goal as a parent after all, to raise strong, independant loving people.  I did it!

My prayers were answered and I passed the test, at least this portion of it.  It is so much easier to put my faith in Him for my life than it is for their lives.  I want so much more for my children than I want for me and feel like I have to get them where they need to go.  The truth is God wants so much more for them than I can ever offer.  I have to lay them at His feet, then the hard part, walk away and listen.

Psalm 66:8-10
Praise our God, all peoples, let the sound of his praise be heard; he has preserved our lives and kept our feet from slipping.  For you, God, tested us; you refined us like silver.