He is a Defeated Foe

I am stepping out into a different type of blog today.  This morning I have had things running through my mind and tugging on my heart that I know I need to share.   There are so many times I feel that God has put words in my mouth and I get too busy with work or something to write it down.  This morning I have been writing a post in my mind hoping that I don't forget and sat down to get some work done.  Ha! Divine intervention for sure!  I cannot log onto my work email or access my work documents so I am dead in the water. Time to post my thoughts.

As I mentioned, this is a different type of blog for me today.  I am speaking about something that is weighing heavily on my heart.  I do not intend to offend anyone and this is by no means a salvation issue so please take what God is whispering in my ear and chew on it, swallow it, digest it.  Think about it and tell me what you think. I believe it can be life changing for some, it certainly is for me.

This post began writing itself yesterday when I started looking back over my life. Counting all of the struggles I have been through. I have beat cancer, overcome unemployment and years of financial woes, watched a child loose her life, struggled with a marriage to a non-believer, raised children etc.  All these things you have heard before but now my outlook is different.  At the moment I got through this list I literally fell to my knees thanking God for His grace and mercy, for his unfailing love and for allowing me to walk through this turmoil.  Most importantly for showing me that "I" didn't do anything other than allowHim to guide me.  He revealed to me the number of times I let "why me", "when is this going to end?" "are you ever going to reveal Your lesson to me so this can just stop?" and countless other negative thoughts cross my mind.  

This line of thought brought me to the idea of how many times we give Satan credit for the things that go wrong in our lives.  How many times we allow him to have glory for a job well done.   We give him credit for illness, accidents, job loss, any number of things that we label as an attack of the enemy.  The truth is that we live in a broken world where bad things happen to good people.  We do not live in Eden we live on Earth. We can CHOOSE to look at these struggles as the enemy doing something to us or as an opportunity to live the way God intended us to live.  I CHOOSE the latter. I am a child of God who has chosen to live in Christ.  Christ lives in me and I in Him. If I believe this I cannot believe that Satan has any power over me.

Jesus said, "It is finished" and I believe Him.  Do you?

God has created us with free will and not even He Himself will violate this.  Then why do we continue to believe that Satan can violate our will?  If Jesus lives in me and Jesus has already won the battle for me how can Satan do anything other than try to make me believe he has power over me.  How can Satan give me cancer, fill me with demons, make me ill, make me crazy etc? He can do NOTHING unless I allow it.  He is a defeated foe. The only power Satan has over me as a Christian is the power I give him by choosing to believe his lies.

I recently had some medical issues that included a cancer scare.  There were people praying over me which I not only welcome but am so very grateful for.  There were people I love, respect and admire praying over me. Men and women that I look to as leaders in our church,  men and women that I sometimes envy when I look at their relationship with our Daddy.  I love, love, love these people. There is one point that I disagree with them on and here it is. I had some pray that Satan's power over me would be defeated, that the tumors would be sent to the pits of hell where they came from, that I would be washed by the blood of Jesus so that healing can take place.  Please hear me when I say that I love these people and welcome their prayers. I believe they come from a place of love for me and for Jesus.  I also believe that these prayers were answered at the cross.  When the veil was torn, it was finished.  The moment I accepted Jesus, He took root in me.  A defeated foe cannot live where He lives and He lives in me.

It is so easy to say something or someone has done something to us.  But the second we do that Satan jumps on it like white on rice. He starts whispering in our ear that he is somehow responsible for our troubles.  Because we would rather blame it on something being done to us than to admit we have the power to do something about it, we can give him credit before giving God the glory He alone deserves. I believe if we take control we are afraid of failure and our pride gets in the way.  We believe the lies just like Eve did in the Garden.  Since the beginning of time if we would just trust in our Father and ignore the lies, there is absolutely nothing that can be done TO us. It is all a matter of what we choose to believe.

I believe that Jesus died on the cross and at that moment the battle was won.  I also believe in:

"his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at the right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every name that is invoked, not only in the present age but also in the one to come."

Ephesians 1:19-21

 I believe in this great power and in the man that defeated our greatest foe.  Thank you Jesus and all the the glory be to God.

Creating Emptiness

This "blog" is at the request of one of my sisters in my small group.  Last night I shared something with my group that God had put on my heart.  Since she said she "got a little lost in the middle" not knowing where my quotes ended and I began.  She requested I share this in my blog.

We are reading The God Catchers, by Tommy Tenney.  In this book Tenney teaches that we need to be hungry.  We must have a desire for Him.  We have to create empty pots for Him to fill.  It is something that touched me deeply.  He says, "You have to create the empty space and furnish it with your hunger, your worship, and your praise. "  The following is what was given to me to share and what I read at last nights small group meeting.

While on my run the other day God told me that I am his paint brush and the world His canvas.  We can paint a beautiful, colorful picture if we allow Him to use us for what He created us to be.  He talks to me a lot while I am running and have worship streaming through my ears.

He kept playing the idea of creating emptiness through my mind.  We have to create emptiness so that we can catch Him.  The emptiness can only be created when we give up ourselves, our worldly “needs and desires”.  We tend to fill ourselves with things that make us feel better not realizing that it is keeping us away from God, NOT bringing Him to us.   We do this with obvious sins but there are things that we don’t even realize.  We come to church seeking Him and find fellowship, friendship, laughter, shoulders to cry on etc.  These are wonderful things but when it becomes the reason for us to gather, then we are filling our emptiness with something other than Him.  We gather to have Him there, we fellowship to help one another stay focused on who we are chasing and living the life we were created for.

 “For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”  Matthew 18:20

He says gather in my name, not in the name of fellowship and friendship.   

Tenny says “ Unfortunately centuries of bad human decisions and our attraction to the stuff of religion muddied the waters of our privileged grace relationship with divinity. We have used man-centered, religion-based traditions and methods to rebuild the walls that divide God and man-after Jesus shed His precious blood to break them down.”

Anything that builds a wall dividing God and man is a sin.  It is black and white, there is no grey area.

Hebrews 6:4-6 “It is impossible for those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, who have shared in the Holy Spirit, who have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the coming age, if they fall away, to be brought back to repentance, because to their loss they are crucifying the Son of God all over again and subjecting him to public disgrace.”

Because of God’s abundant grace we can lay our sins at the altar.  We can give them to Him and never look back. We MUST give them to Him and ask for forgiveness in order to create the emptiness we need so we can fill ourselves with Him...it is the only way to catch Him.  We have to be careful though.  As Tenny says we cannot take God’s grace for granted as if we deserve it.  He says “If it is deserved, it isn’t grace.  If it is grace, then it isn’t deserved.”

 As Paul wrote in Romans 11:5-6 “So too, at the present time there is a remnant chosen by grace.  And if by grace, then it is no longer by works; if it were, grace would no longer be grace”

So… I have this box.  It is colorful because God wanted to signify the importance of painting this world with His color.  The only way to do this is to lay our sins at the altar, repent and move on.  Create the emptiness so He can fill the white void with vivid colors.  Also, I have white cards and black pens, because like I said, God told me ANYTHING standing between us and Him is a sin, no matter how insignificant we think it is. When it becomes about us,  it is sin.  Black and white. 

What God showed me was our God Chasing group writing down what is filling our emptiness.  We do not have to share, we can be free to be open and get everything out.  We put the darkness of sin in this box of color and Sunday morning we, as a group will lay it on the altar.  Freeing up space to let God in and Catch His glory.

One thing that I didn't mention to my God Chasing group last night is the signficance of the colors I painted the box.  I started with blue, the living water.  Then I added green as the emerald rainbow that encircles the throne.  This is what we are living to die for...the sight of the throne room.  Next was purple...His royalty.  and last but not least the gold representing our crowns, waiting for us in Heaven.  These are just some of the colors we can show the world by simply creating emptiness and filling it with our hunger, worship and praise.

Glory be to God, always.

Words

Give it All to Him.

Lay it at His Feet.

Walk in Faith.

Praise Him Always, Even in Times of Trouble.

What in the world does all this mean? It sounds like a list of great "Christian" things to say. As Christians we have so many of these words of wisdom, cute little sayings that make us feel good.  We say these things to those searching for help, needing so desperately to feel better, to hear from Him, to understand.  Then we walk away feeling good about ourselves but have we helped at all?  

I have watched people fall to their knees, myself included, completely broken, crying until it seems as though their tears have dried up.  We stand to our feet and believe with all of our hearts that we have given it all to Him.  We layed it at His feet and will now walk in faith.  We will continue to praise His name, no matter what, for the rest of our days.  I have said these words of wisdom countless times to myself, to other Christians, to those trying to follow the path to His glory and to those who do not know Him at all.  Have I helped any of them?  Have I shone any light in their direction?  I  believe in some ways God has used me to show His light, but I also believe I have not allowed it enough. Until we walk the talk, what good are all of these cute little sayings?   Yes, they may plant a seed, but until we firmly grasp what it is we are saying I believe they are just words crossing our lips.

This week I learned a valuable lesson.  Thank you Jesus.  A friend is going through some hard times and I found myself saying the usual things.  "Praise Him, no matter what, it makes all the difference in the world."  He said he wants to, he is trying to, but all he could do was cry out to Him.  I tell him the same things I have told myself countless times.  "You really have to give it to Him, lay it at His feet and then walk in it."  He asked the same questions I had asked myself, "How?"  It took me a very long time to understand that giving it to Him doesn't mean that I can now sit back, kick my feet up and wait for the manna to fall from the sky.  It is so hard to grasp, but I thought that I had and that I was walking in faith. I did get it, I did understand but I wasn't completely walking in it.  I know that now.

I have had a decade of financial problems.  I have spoken several times about my past and how I got to where I am now.  I feel like I get one step in the right direction and then bam, something else hits.  I got so good at giving it all to Him that I just didn't do anything about it.

Since our fast I have been trying to get back into taking control of the things He has given me to take care of.  But it didn't click until this week. I want to be a better me, all of me: body, mind and soul.  I have to get my finances in order and one of the things that needed to be taken care of is the filing of my taxes.  I had to file two years of taxes.  The hope was that we would get enough to pay my property taxes. But, while getting all the paperwork together I started doing a little math and worry set it.  Just a little, but it was there, creeping in, whispering in my ear.  I had to stop and tell myself that even if I do have to pay God will take care of me, don't worry, it's just money after all.  I happily went to the tax preparers office, handed over my paperwork and was told for the first year we owed a lot of money.  More than I have for sure.  Then the second year's was done and I owe twice as much for that year.  I started to sweat I got nervous and anxious then got a text.  A text from the friend I was just talking to the day before.  "Hello my friend, doing much better today."  Wow, that snapped me back in to reality very quickly.  His timing never ceases to amaze me! I just told my friend to walk in faith, give it to Him, praise Him and let Him take care of you.  Those words came back to me like sledge hammer.  Thank you Jesus!

I walked out of their so full of joy!  I can't believe how happy I am that I owe the IRS.  How can I be happy about this?  How can I sing His praises?  I gave it to Him and now I am not worried about how I am going to buy food, I am worried about how to claim the correct number of dependents.  I am not worried about how to pay my property taxes because my mortgage company called and they are taking care of that too.   This has been one of the happiest and most productive weeks in a very long time.   I can't even count the blessings that having to pay this money has given me but here are a few:

1. He has shown me that just because I give it to Him doesn't mean it is going to be easy.  It doesn't mean it's all going to be roses and sunshine it means that I will get through it and come out better on the other side than I could have ever imagined on my own.
2. He has given me the real understanding of these things I speak to others so that I can walk the talk.
3. I get to be an even brighter light in my home.  As I mentioned before, it is not easy to be married to a spouse with no relationship with Jesus or a desire for one.  I am not saying that it wouldn't be easier to have someone by my side that would praise His glorious name but I get to be the light. Through the tough patches I get to be my husband's glimmer of  Jesus and what our Daddy will do for His precious children.  I get to have joy in what he looks at as another hurdle to jump.
4. This time it is about money, other times it has been health. Who knows what the future will hold but I have learned the true meaning of walking in faith.
5. Once again, my Daddy has allowed me to climb up in His lap and get the comfort and assurance that only a Father can give.

Thank you Jesus for the lighting my path, even in the darkest of days and for loving me through it all.

Time to Get Raw

It's time I change things up a bit. When this blog came into being I began it with the intention of being anonymous.  I felt that God wanted me to share many details of my life because there were women that my story might touch. The reason to keep it anonymous was for my family, mostly my husband.  It may take me a bit to open up but once I do I am an open book and will share in detail my life, my feelings, my beliefs etc. but I don't feel I have the right to share the personal lives of others. 

Recently God has revealed the truth to me like He always does when I get quiet enough to listen.   I believe with all my heart that women like myself need someone to relate to.  This year I will be celebrating 24 years of marriage with a man that has no relationship with our Father.  This puts every trial on a much grander scale because we do not look at solutions in the same way.  We do not go to the same place for help, guidance, reassurance, love etc.  Every decision, no matter how big or small can be divisive. 

I finally understand that sharing this is not a slam, it is not gossip, it is not sharing something personal about him.  The truth is that God gave us freedom to choose. My husband chose one path and I chose another.  It does not make him any less in God's eyes or me any more.  It is a matter of free will.  I hope and pray that some day he will want to know more and long to see His daddy's face just as I do.  But that must be his decision.

I began this site with other women in mind.  I have written the words that  God has put on my heart but it is time to get to the real stuff.  I am not sure what it is going to look like or what God will have me share.  I don't know how personal I will be getting but I do know that I have to get raw. I have to let it out there for others to see. Others need to see the struggles of a relationship that is not built on a strong cornerstone.  I no longer see it as the private life of another it is just life. 

My hope is to open a dialog and that this site can be used for nothing but the glory of God. To show his grace and wisdom and help each other work through all of our struggles with the experiences of our Christian family.

Thank you Jesus for being the truth the light and the way. 


 

Faith Takes Practice

My life is far from what one would call perfect.  We all have our trials and I am no exception.  I used to wish that life would become boring. I had enough excitement to last a life time.  Now I am a grateful for the trials I have gone through more than I wish they had never existed. Without these trials in my life I would not have the faith I have now.  I have my moments of doubt and worry but nothing like before.

Through the years of financial difficulties I worried my way through.  I knew that God would provide for me and he proved it over and over again.  Still I worried. Through trials of illness and death of several loved ones, I worried.  I worried so much that it affected me physically.  I was constantly tired, depressed and worst of all ended up with a life threatening illness.  All the while I knew He would take care of me and every step of the way He did.  I would sing His praises to all that would listen but as soon as the grocery money ran dry or I didn't know how I was going to pay that bill or buy something my children needed I worried.  He would provide, I would praise His name and then I would worry.  The cycle went on for years.

I used to ask what it was I was supposed to learn.  "Please God tell me."  Until finally I stopped trying to learn.  Here I sit 11 years after our financial struggles began, 9 years after the death of our daughter, 5 years clean of cancer typing this and God has revealed to me what it is that I was supposed to learn. Faith takes practice.   I thought this blog came to me for another but it was for me.  Thank you Jesus! I am blown away by His perfect timing and grace.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.  But when he asks he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.  That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double minded man, unstable in all he does. -  James 1:1-8

Thank you God for the trials that have tested my faith and developed my perseverance.  My faith is stronger today than ever before.  Faith is not just something I know it is something that has saturated me heart, mind and soul.

If I could go back and do things differently I would.  If I could snap my fingers and have my daughter here with my grandchildren playing at my feet; if I could snap my fingers and have all my financial troubles be just a bad dream; if I could snap my fingers and never have had illness touch me or my family...SNAP, SNAP and SNAP.  Believe me I would choose a different path.  But I could not be more grateful for every day of my life.  Every breath I have taken has been a blessing.  I have lived through the trials for a reason...to persevere, grow my faith and PRAISE HIS NAME.

I have faith that my girl is dancing with the angels, Jesus told me so.  I have faith that no matter how much money I have or don't have it doesn't matter.  He is more valuable than the finest gold.  I have faith that no matter my health situation,  I will be completely healed on one side of heaven or the other.  I have faith that no matter what happens in my life He will provide. 

Thank you for the good times and the bad, it has made me who I am and given me the greatest gift.  I may have moments of weakness but I will also have the gift of unyielding faith. 

Father, I thank you for your trials.  I now ask in belief without doubt.  I do not want to be like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind and I ask for continued strength to stand firm in your promises.  I praise you and thank you for your grace and perfect timing.  In the name of Jesus I pray, Amen.

Freedom in Conviction

Tuesday night my daughter and I went to the mall to get her some things for her new endeavor...track.  She is following in her mommy's footsteps so I had to miss prayer night to take her...what could be more important?

We were walking down the center of the mall and noticed a gentleman sitting on a bench, looking trapped by the two men towering over him, papers in hand obviously "discipling".  My daughter was the first to notice and told me that she was upset by this and felt sorry for the poor man on the bench.  We both felt this was no way to speak the love of Christ.  As we passed by we both felt a sense of frustration.  How do we save this poor guy from what we perceived as being guilted into salvation? We didn't stop we just kept walking.

We did a little shopping and went back through the mall the same route we took just a few minutes before.  This time there were two young women on the same bench sitting down, looking like they had absolutely no interest in what they were hearing.  Two men towered over them, not giving them any room to get away even if they wanted to.  This time we were both appalled by their behavior.

We walked a hundred yards or so talking about whether or not we should go back and put a stop to this.  This is NOT the love of Jesus shining through.  We talked about it and decided to turn back.  We were going to be their much needed saviors.  I thought about stopping to get a cape but that would just take too much time. Besides there are no more super hero dressing rooms, aka phone booths.

On the way back my daughter looked at me, happy that I was going to do something about this.  Then a scripture I had just spoken about in church on Sunday spoke to my heart.

"And he said to me, 'Son of man, listen carefully and take to heart all the words I speak to you.  Go now to your country men in exile and speak to them. Say to them 'This is what the Sovereign Lord says, whether they listen or fail to listen" 

Ezekiel 3:10-11 

Although I continued to walk towards the bench with my daughter looking at me like "go get 'em Mom" and saying to me, "This is going to be awesome."  I had to pause and tell her that I wanted to hear what the young men had to say because God said to tell people whether they listen or not.  If these young men believe God is telling them to do this, then who are we to get in the way?

But still pride drove me.  I stood behind these disciples' back and asked the girls if they needed help to "get away".  They said the were fine but I wasn't so convinced.  My daughter and I took up residence on the bench behind them.  We could hear everything that was being said but our backs were to them.  The girls had absolutely no interest in salvation, did not understand the concept of grace or repentance and in my mind these young men were not teaching them correctly.  (Oh how pride can be so hurtful.)  We left without saying a word and I have no idea whatever happened with the two girls.  I do pray that a seed was planted.

Last Sunday we broke our corporate fast and I am ashamed to say I have not spent any time in the Word since then.  Until this morning.  I wasn't sure where to go or what to read, nothing really jumped out at me.  I closed my bible and sat for a minute or two listening to worship.  While trying to clear my thoughts and just listen, the thought of those young men discipling at the mall came to mind.  I opened my bible and landed on Philippians 1:15-18.

"It is true that some preach Christ out of envy and rivalry, but others out of goodwill.  The latter do so in love, knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel.  The former preach Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely, supposing that they can stir up trouble for me while I am in chains.  But what does it matter?  The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached.  And because of this I rejoice."

Paul said it perfectly, "What does it matter?"  It is like there is no such thing as bad publicity.  Declare His name, share His love and victory, it really doesn't matter how we say it, how we do it, it matters THAT we do it.  God will use this for His glory even if our selfish pride and ambition get in our own way.   Even more than that in Ezekiel God told us to spread the Word:

"When I say to a wicked man, 'You will surely die' and you do not warn him or speak out to dissuade him from his evil ways in order to save his life, that wicked man will die for his sin, and I will hold you  accountable for his blood.  But if you do warn the wicked man and he does not turn from his wickedness or from his evil ways, he will die for his sin; but you will have saved yourself."

Ezekiel 3:18-19

This morning I was convicted and freed. 

I was convicted for my pride.  God is so good he used my hand to open His Word to just the right lesson.  This is the God I know, a gracious teacher. 

There is much freedom in  knowing that the important thing is sharing.  It was more important for those young men to speak about Christ no matter what their true motives were than to sit idly by and do nothing.  (By the way, I am not trying to decipher their motives nor would I.  God knows their hearts.)  I have always held back because I don't know that what I have to say will make sense, or that I what I have to say isn't as important as what someone else has to say.  I may not know my scripture like the back of my hand and I need to know it all so I can have answers.   Truth is truth is truth and anything keeping me from speaking truth is pride.  It is freeing to understand that it does not matter if anyone listens, what matters is that when God feeds you his words, speak them.

I do not want my selfish pride to get in the way.  God is very clear, if I make Him about me, about how I look, my treasures will be left here when I go home. 

Thank you God for the gifts of a soft heart and a strong head so I can speak your truth.  You have given me the path to follow so that my treasures will be waiting for me in heaven when my groom takes me home.  In the glorious, mighty name of Jesus, AMEN!



What Kind of Friend Am I?

I remember when I was a little girl, my big brother made some neighborhood friends.  The boys would come to the door and ask if Michael could play.  Of course he could. He was thrilled to have friends to play with. It became a daily occurrence.  One day they came to the door, "Can Michael play?"  On this day, for the first time Michael said, "No".  The next day they came back, "Can Michael play?" the  answer again was no.  My mom not knowing what to make of it asked Michael why he didn't want to play.  He said, "Mom they only want to play with my toys."  He did not want friends that only wanted him for his toys, he wanted friends that wanted him. 

This morning as I began day 16 of our corporate fast I was struggling. I have been struggling for several days. I have felt stuck. I was having these great tid bits, wonderful insights.  Every time I went to the Word I was blown away with something new and exciting.  Suddenly, as I read, I read words instead of the Word, not hearing his voice, wanting so much more.  The last thing I want is for this to be a diet, it has to be more.  It was time to dig in.  I made my own private sanctuary.  I got on my knees on the floor, turned worship on my iPhone and covered myself with a blanket.  I blocked out the world and concentrated solely on Him.  No dog, no family, no lights, no worries and listened.  Truly listened with a heart of worship.  Thanking my creator for who He is.  Not for what He can give me.  The Holy Spirit spoke directly to my heart telling me who needed prayer and what to pray.  He filled my heart with such peace and then whispered the truth: 

Wanting Him for His toys is just not enough.  Somewhere along the line I changed this fast to what I was getting when it's all about what I am giving.  I am giving myself....surrendering all of my heart to Him!    

I thought of my brother and his friends and wondered if that is how God thinks of me.  He is my friend but am I His friend?  If I am going to Him for His toys and the things He has to offer, then what kind of friend am I? 

I don't want this to be about me and what I get.  I don't want this to be about a 21day fast either. I want it to be about Him.  A lifetime surrendered to Him.  I want to be in His presence because He is the love of my life. He is the beginning and the end, the great I Am and I am the bride of Jesus Christ just waiting to walk down the aisle. 

Daddy, I pray that You will allow me to climb up on your lap and just be in Your presence.

In Jesus mighty name.