I remember when I was a little girl, my big brother made some neighborhood friends. The boys would come to the door and ask if Michael could play. Of course he could. He was thrilled to have friends to play with. It became a daily occurrence. One day they came to the door, "Can Michael play?" On this day, for the first time Michael said, "No". The next day they came back, "Can Michael play?" the answer again was no. My mom not knowing what to make of it asked Michael why he didn't want to play. He said, "Mom they only want to play with my toys." He did not want friends that only wanted him for his toys, he wanted friends that wanted him.
This morning as I began day 16 of our corporate fast I was struggling. I have been struggling for several days. I have felt stuck. I was having these great tid bits, wonderful insights. Every time I went to the Word I was blown away with something new and exciting. Suddenly, as I read, I read words instead of the Word, not hearing his voice, wanting so much more. The last thing I want is for this to be a diet, it has to be more. It was time to dig in. I made my own private sanctuary. I got on my knees on the floor, turned worship on my iPhone and covered myself with a blanket. I blocked out the world and concentrated solely on Him. No dog, no family, no lights, no worries and listened. Truly listened with a heart of worship. Thanking my creator for who He is. Not for what He can give me. The Holy Spirit spoke directly to my heart telling me who needed prayer and what to pray. He filled my heart with such peace and then whispered the truth:
Wanting Him for His toys is just not enough. Somewhere along the line I changed this fast to what I was getting when it's all about what I am giving. I am giving myself....surrendering all of my heart to Him!
I thought of my brother and his friends and wondered if that is how God thinks of me. He is my friend but am I His friend? If I am going to Him for His toys and the things He has to offer, then what kind of friend am I?
I don't want this to be about me and what I get. I don't want this to be about a 21day fast either. I want it to be about Him. A lifetime surrendered to Him. I want to be in His presence because He is the love of my life. He is the beginning and the end, the great I Am and I am the bride of Jesus Christ just waiting to walk down the aisle.
Daddy, I pray that You will allow me to climb up on your lap and just be in Your presence.
In Jesus mighty name.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Expectation
This week we began a corporate fast and I began with expectation.
The morning before the fast began I journaled, " During this fast I expect to draw closer to Him, to unleash the power of the Holy Spirit and to go deeper into scripture". I didn't even know what I was going to fast at that point. Many in the church are fasting TV or games, some are cutting a certain food from their diet, some are following the Daniel fast, others are on a water only fast and still others are combining some of these. By the end of the day I knew what my fast would be because I expected God to tell me. I didn't know where I was going to start in scripture, but He told me and that was no surprise, I expected He would. God began day one giving me tid bits and at the end of this fast I expect these tid bits are going to add up to something life changing.
Tid Bit #1: Preparation. I need to prepare my spirit to receive. There was a time a couple of years ago, I pleaded, "God please let your light shine through me. Let me be your light and use me to spread your glory." He gave me what I asked for, but I was not prepared to do what He was asking of me. This was day one of the fast and I am certain He is telling me that we need to prepare for what He will be raining down on our little God loving church.
Tid Bit #2: Pray Expectantly. As I type this I am amazed. I went back to my journal to see what tid bit I received day two...amazing, it is the same tid bit I received today. I think He really wants me to get this one. This insight came to me when a friend sent a text saying her heart rate would not go down. I knew she had been dealing with an accelerated heart rate for some time, but today she said, "It won't go down". ...I said, "Oh yes it will! In the name of Jesus it will! BRB praying." Man, I have to say that was the most awesome prayer EVER! I texted her back..."you had to feel that!" She said she felt a sense of peace come over her and her heart rate went down while she was taking it. Amen, Amen and Amen. I then asked another wonderful woman of God how her health was. We had prayed for healing the day before and she said it seemed a little better but was praying that God will heal her in His time. I thought, "No, I am going to pray expecting healing now." I told her I was going to pray hard that day. I stopped what I was doing, got on my knees on the floor of my office and prayed that she would be healed. Not later, now, in the name of Jesus she will pick up her mat and be free of this. Praise God, she is!!
Tid Bit #3: Restoration Like everyone else, I have had a few road bumps in life. For some reason I can't get back to where I used to be. I let life take control of me awhile back. I went from someone that just took the hits as they came and took care of what need to be taken care of to sitting back and letting things go. God told me to prioritize and just get things done. Prioritize. First is Him. Start every day in prayer and schedule my day, keeping Him my priority. If I do, my heart will be restored to a place God dwells, my home will be restored to a home where God dwells, my workplace will be a place God dwells. It is all about restoration.
Through this fast I am preparing my spirit and praying expectantly for restoration. I know that this is what He wants for us.
Moses told Pharaoh that the plague would end THEN he went to God. He prayed expectantly. When Jesus healed the blind He didn't say I'll pray for you and then hope that the blind man would someday see. He said, "you can see". He didn't tell the man who hadn't had the use of his legs that maybe later he would find the strength, God willing, to walk. He said "get up, pick up your mat and go". He was healed.
If we have the power of the Holy Spirit within us, if we have all the power of Jesus within us, why do we throw down safety nets in our prayers? I am not saying that sometimes the answer isn't no or later. It is true that God is God and we are not. God will do what God wants when He wants. But we can certainly pray expecting the answer will be yes. Our prayers do make difference to our Daddy. When Moses prayed to stop the plague so the Pharaoh would have another chance, God knew the Pharaoh's heart was hardened and He would have to send the next plague. But, Moses prayed expectantly and God showed His heart saying yes to an expectant prayer warrior.
These tid bits themselves are life changing but this is only day 6 of 21. I am certainly expecting more and praising His mighty mighty name in advance for what He chooses to bring to light.
Glory Be to God...always.
The morning before the fast began I journaled, " During this fast I expect to draw closer to Him, to unleash the power of the Holy Spirit and to go deeper into scripture". I didn't even know what I was going to fast at that point. Many in the church are fasting TV or games, some are cutting a certain food from their diet, some are following the Daniel fast, others are on a water only fast and still others are combining some of these. By the end of the day I knew what my fast would be because I expected God to tell me. I didn't know where I was going to start in scripture, but He told me and that was no surprise, I expected He would. God began day one giving me tid bits and at the end of this fast I expect these tid bits are going to add up to something life changing.
Tid Bit #1: Preparation. I need to prepare my spirit to receive. There was a time a couple of years ago, I pleaded, "God please let your light shine through me. Let me be your light and use me to spread your glory." He gave me what I asked for, but I was not prepared to do what He was asking of me. This was day one of the fast and I am certain He is telling me that we need to prepare for what He will be raining down on our little God loving church.
Tid Bit #2: Pray Expectantly. As I type this I am amazed. I went back to my journal to see what tid bit I received day two...amazing, it is the same tid bit I received today. I think He really wants me to get this one. This insight came to me when a friend sent a text saying her heart rate would not go down. I knew she had been dealing with an accelerated heart rate for some time, but today she said, "It won't go down". ...I said, "Oh yes it will! In the name of Jesus it will! BRB praying." Man, I have to say that was the most awesome prayer EVER! I texted her back..."you had to feel that!" She said she felt a sense of peace come over her and her heart rate went down while she was taking it. Amen, Amen and Amen. I then asked another wonderful woman of God how her health was. We had prayed for healing the day before and she said it seemed a little better but was praying that God will heal her in His time. I thought, "No, I am going to pray expecting healing now." I told her I was going to pray hard that day. I stopped what I was doing, got on my knees on the floor of my office and prayed that she would be healed. Not later, now, in the name of Jesus she will pick up her mat and be free of this. Praise God, she is!!
Tid Bit #3: Restoration Like everyone else, I have had a few road bumps in life. For some reason I can't get back to where I used to be. I let life take control of me awhile back. I went from someone that just took the hits as they came and took care of what need to be taken care of to sitting back and letting things go. God told me to prioritize and just get things done. Prioritize. First is Him. Start every day in prayer and schedule my day, keeping Him my priority. If I do, my heart will be restored to a place God dwells, my home will be restored to a home where God dwells, my workplace will be a place God dwells. It is all about restoration.
Through this fast I am preparing my spirit and praying expectantly for restoration. I know that this is what He wants for us.
Moses told Pharaoh that the plague would end THEN he went to God. He prayed expectantly. When Jesus healed the blind He didn't say I'll pray for you and then hope that the blind man would someday see. He said, "you can see". He didn't tell the man who hadn't had the use of his legs that maybe later he would find the strength, God willing, to walk. He said "get up, pick up your mat and go". He was healed.
If we have the power of the Holy Spirit within us, if we have all the power of Jesus within us, why do we throw down safety nets in our prayers? I am not saying that sometimes the answer isn't no or later. It is true that God is God and we are not. God will do what God wants when He wants. But we can certainly pray expecting the answer will be yes. Our prayers do make difference to our Daddy. When Moses prayed to stop the plague so the Pharaoh would have another chance, God knew the Pharaoh's heart was hardened and He would have to send the next plague. But, Moses prayed expectantly and God showed His heart saying yes to an expectant prayer warrior.
These tid bits themselves are life changing but this is only day 6 of 21. I am certainly expecting more and praising His mighty mighty name in advance for what He chooses to bring to light.
Glory Be to God...always.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
No Ifs Ands or Buts!
I'm back! Wow, I have been on a whirlwind ride for a few weeks now. I am not sure where to begin. God has told me over and over again over the past few weeks that He wants me to share and I have ignored Him AGAIN. When will I ever learn?
A few weeks ago our small group watched a movie about healing. It was amazing stuff and honestly very hard to wrap my mind around. Sometimes you either believe or you don't. A portion of the film focused on a group of college aged young men and women that prayed together, asked God where to go and who to pray for and just did it. They went to the shopping center, coffee shop, ice cream parlor...any place God told them go. They prayed for anyone that God told them to. How cool is that? They didn't ask them to come join their church or read a pamphlet they just happen to have handy, they just wanted to show God's love no matter where you are, who you are or what you are doing.
All I could think was "I want to do that!" If you know me at all, you know that is one of the craziest thoughts I have ever had. I will pray out loud with someone, let alone a stranger when...well you know the saying...when it freezes over.
Four days later I got a call that started something that changed my life forever. It's the smallest things that God uses to do His best work! I couldn't take the call but I received the simplest message. "Will you pray for me?" My first thought was, "Why in the world would anyone call me to pray? Have you ever heard me pray out loud with anyone? Have you ever watched me pray with someone?" I nervously called her back to pray with her but left a message instead. I hung up the phone and for probably the 5th time in my life, I prayed out loud. All alone in my car, praying this prayer that touched my spirit. I finished praying and went on my way.
The next morning I was starting my day in the Word like I do most days and I couldn't get this prayer request out of my head. As you may know by now my brain does not work in the typical way. It jumps from one thing to another and God knew exactly where that phone call would lead me. It lead me back to the fight I have been fighting for at least two years.
I have felt such power in my hands, a feeling I cannot describe. I have been told by many people that I have the gift of healing. That I am a prayer warrior that I am a "powerful woman of God". I believe like no other that God can do anything, I just didn't believe He would use me to do something great. These were words of people so how do I know it's true. How do I know it is from Him. I believe, I trust, but I needed more and more and more confirmation.
Day after day I battle, this particular Wednesday morning I gave up the fight. I got on my knees and asked God to reveal to me once and for all, do I have healing hands, do I have gifts He wants me to use, is He asking me to move? "Please God tell me and make it clear, I am one hard headed woman. I am only going to believe it if it is perfectly clear. No ifs ands or buts. Please God." I stayed there on my knees, covered in a blanket in complete silence...and I got nothing, nada, zip, zero. Well that was pretty clear or so I thought.
A few hours later I received a text from a friend, a sister in Christ who is certain God has put us together for a greater purpose. The text was simple..."Do you believe you have the gift of healing hands or not?" Then she went on to tell me that God had just put it on her heart, again, that we are together for a reason and that I have the gift of healing. She knows without a doubt. How in the world can she be so certain? OK let's test this. The only way to get out of my comfort zone and let God tell me once and for all is to just do this. I suggest that instead of our planned coffee outing, we start praying. Let's ask God to tell us where to go and who to pray for and Thursday we will pray for whoever He leads us to. She is ready for the idea right away. (I admire that about her.) I am willing to go through with it, after all I suggested it, but it scares the peewadins out of me! I immediately had a name in mind and that she needed healing for her knee.
Now I knew for certain, I am crazy!! I have not spoken to or seen this woman in months. Why in the world would I think that she needed prayer let alone specifically her knee. Since this was obviously another moment of insanity, I tried to put this thought out of my mind. Again and again, she needs prayer for her knee kept popping into my head...all day Wednesday, all day Thursday. But I put the crazy thought out of my head. (I am not only crazy, I am stubborn.) Thursday evening came and it was time to go. My friend calls, she can't make it. Something came up that she just cannot get away from. My first thought, "Whew!" Next thought, "I bet she didn't even need prayer for her knee." So I can just get on with my evening of relaxation now that I have nothing to do, I decided to send my friend a text and the answer will prove my insanity. "This is a weird question out of the blue, but are you having pain in your knee?" The answer was the answer I asked for...no ifs ands or buts God, I need to know. She answered, "Why do you ask? I just had surgery on my knee."
OH MY GOODNESS! WHAT? REALLY? ARE YOU SURE? BECAUSE I REALLY THOUGHT I WAS CRAZY!
That's what was in my head but my text just read, "Do you mind if I come pray with you?"
She was not only didn't mind, she was happy to have me over. She obviously wanted to know how I knew about her knee. Prior me getting to her house, she checked facebook to see if she had posted something about her knee. I got to her home and she began to tell me the tough time she and her family had recently been through. She was going to the doctor the next day and she was fearing what the doctor had to say, she had been through several surgeries, her husband and some medical issues. One thing after another.
We sat together and I began to pray. I got so hot from head to toe, broke out in sweat and could barely breathe while I was praying. By the time I finished praying with her we were both in tears. We both needed that prayer. She needed to know that God was with her through all of it. I needed to know what God wants me to do.
This was not about physical healing, although the diagnosis is still not in and we are not done praying for her, it was about emotional and spiritual healing. God worked so many ways to bring the two of us together. He gave us this time with no one else included to know we are loved by Him. He has not left our sides. She has been going through hard times and needed to know He has been there the whole time. I needed to hear Him tell me to stop fighting it and to see just how amazing it can be to let the Holy Spirits power pour through me.
I love Him more and more every day. I love His amazing signs and wonders no matter how small they seem to be. I now pray when people ask and when they don't ask. I am learning to listen. My heart's desire as I type this is to grow in my prayer life. To allow my prayers to reach the heavens, to pray loudly, strongly with certainty and expectation. I want to bring glory to God my Father in any way that He will honor me with His holy presence. No ifs ands or buts about it...He is my daddy who loves me without condition and He deserves my obedience without such a battle.
In the mighty mighty name of Jesus!
A few weeks ago our small group watched a movie about healing. It was amazing stuff and honestly very hard to wrap my mind around. Sometimes you either believe or you don't. A portion of the film focused on a group of college aged young men and women that prayed together, asked God where to go and who to pray for and just did it. They went to the shopping center, coffee shop, ice cream parlor...any place God told them go. They prayed for anyone that God told them to. How cool is that? They didn't ask them to come join their church or read a pamphlet they just happen to have handy, they just wanted to show God's love no matter where you are, who you are or what you are doing.
All I could think was "I want to do that!" If you know me at all, you know that is one of the craziest thoughts I have ever had. I will pray out loud with someone, let alone a stranger when...well you know the saying...when it freezes over.
Four days later I got a call that started something that changed my life forever. It's the smallest things that God uses to do His best work! I couldn't take the call but I received the simplest message. "Will you pray for me?" My first thought was, "Why in the world would anyone call me to pray? Have you ever heard me pray out loud with anyone? Have you ever watched me pray with someone?" I nervously called her back to pray with her but left a message instead. I hung up the phone and for probably the 5th time in my life, I prayed out loud. All alone in my car, praying this prayer that touched my spirit. I finished praying and went on my way.
The next morning I was starting my day in the Word like I do most days and I couldn't get this prayer request out of my head. As you may know by now my brain does not work in the typical way. It jumps from one thing to another and God knew exactly where that phone call would lead me. It lead me back to the fight I have been fighting for at least two years.
I have felt such power in my hands, a feeling I cannot describe. I have been told by many people that I have the gift of healing. That I am a prayer warrior that I am a "powerful woman of God". I believe like no other that God can do anything, I just didn't believe He would use me to do something great. These were words of people so how do I know it's true. How do I know it is from Him. I believe, I trust, but I needed more and more and more confirmation.
Day after day I battle, this particular Wednesday morning I gave up the fight. I got on my knees and asked God to reveal to me once and for all, do I have healing hands, do I have gifts He wants me to use, is He asking me to move? "Please God tell me and make it clear, I am one hard headed woman. I am only going to believe it if it is perfectly clear. No ifs ands or buts. Please God." I stayed there on my knees, covered in a blanket in complete silence...and I got nothing, nada, zip, zero. Well that was pretty clear or so I thought.
A few hours later I received a text from a friend, a sister in Christ who is certain God has put us together for a greater purpose. The text was simple..."Do you believe you have the gift of healing hands or not?" Then she went on to tell me that God had just put it on her heart, again, that we are together for a reason and that I have the gift of healing. She knows without a doubt. How in the world can she be so certain? OK let's test this. The only way to get out of my comfort zone and let God tell me once and for all is to just do this. I suggest that instead of our planned coffee outing, we start praying. Let's ask God to tell us where to go and who to pray for and Thursday we will pray for whoever He leads us to. She is ready for the idea right away. (I admire that about her.) I am willing to go through with it, after all I suggested it, but it scares the peewadins out of me! I immediately had a name in mind and that she needed healing for her knee.
Now I knew for certain, I am crazy!! I have not spoken to or seen this woman in months. Why in the world would I think that she needed prayer let alone specifically her knee. Since this was obviously another moment of insanity, I tried to put this thought out of my mind. Again and again, she needs prayer for her knee kept popping into my head...all day Wednesday, all day Thursday. But I put the crazy thought out of my head. (I am not only crazy, I am stubborn.) Thursday evening came and it was time to go. My friend calls, she can't make it. Something came up that she just cannot get away from. My first thought, "Whew!" Next thought, "I bet she didn't even need prayer for her knee." So I can just get on with my evening of relaxation now that I have nothing to do, I decided to send my friend a text and the answer will prove my insanity. "This is a weird question out of the blue, but are you having pain in your knee?" The answer was the answer I asked for...no ifs ands or buts God, I need to know. She answered, "Why do you ask? I just had surgery on my knee."
OH MY GOODNESS! WHAT? REALLY? ARE YOU SURE? BECAUSE I REALLY THOUGHT I WAS CRAZY!
That's what was in my head but my text just read, "Do you mind if I come pray with you?"
She was not only didn't mind, she was happy to have me over. She obviously wanted to know how I knew about her knee. Prior me getting to her house, she checked facebook to see if she had posted something about her knee. I got to her home and she began to tell me the tough time she and her family had recently been through. She was going to the doctor the next day and she was fearing what the doctor had to say, she had been through several surgeries, her husband and some medical issues. One thing after another.
We sat together and I began to pray. I got so hot from head to toe, broke out in sweat and could barely breathe while I was praying. By the time I finished praying with her we were both in tears. We both needed that prayer. She needed to know that God was with her through all of it. I needed to know what God wants me to do.
This was not about physical healing, although the diagnosis is still not in and we are not done praying for her, it was about emotional and spiritual healing. God worked so many ways to bring the two of us together. He gave us this time with no one else included to know we are loved by Him. He has not left our sides. She has been going through hard times and needed to know He has been there the whole time. I needed to hear Him tell me to stop fighting it and to see just how amazing it can be to let the Holy Spirits power pour through me.
I love Him more and more every day. I love His amazing signs and wonders no matter how small they seem to be. I now pray when people ask and when they don't ask. I am learning to listen. My heart's desire as I type this is to grow in my prayer life. To allow my prayers to reach the heavens, to pray loudly, strongly with certainty and expectation. I want to bring glory to God my Father in any way that He will honor me with His holy presence. No ifs ands or buts about it...He is my daddy who loves me without condition and He deserves my obedience without such a battle.
In the mighty mighty name of Jesus!
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