What Kind of Friend Am I?

I remember when I was a little girl, my big brother made some neighborhood friends.  The boys would come to the door and ask if Michael could play.  Of course he could. He was thrilled to have friends to play with. It became a daily occurrence.  One day they came to the door, "Can Michael play?"  On this day, for the first time Michael said, "No".  The next day they came back, "Can Michael play?" the  answer again was no.  My mom not knowing what to make of it asked Michael why he didn't want to play.  He said, "Mom they only want to play with my toys."  He did not want friends that only wanted him for his toys, he wanted friends that wanted him. 

This morning as I began day 16 of our corporate fast I was struggling. I have been struggling for several days. I have felt stuck. I was having these great tid bits, wonderful insights.  Every time I went to the Word I was blown away with something new and exciting.  Suddenly, as I read, I read words instead of the Word, not hearing his voice, wanting so much more.  The last thing I want is for this to be a diet, it has to be more.  It was time to dig in.  I made my own private sanctuary.  I got on my knees on the floor, turned worship on my iPhone and covered myself with a blanket.  I blocked out the world and concentrated solely on Him.  No dog, no family, no lights, no worries and listened.  Truly listened with a heart of worship.  Thanking my creator for who He is.  Not for what He can give me.  The Holy Spirit spoke directly to my heart telling me who needed prayer and what to pray.  He filled my heart with such peace and then whispered the truth: 

Wanting Him for His toys is just not enough.  Somewhere along the line I changed this fast to what I was getting when it's all about what I am giving.  I am giving myself....surrendering all of my heart to Him!    

I thought of my brother and his friends and wondered if that is how God thinks of me.  He is my friend but am I His friend?  If I am going to Him for His toys and the things He has to offer, then what kind of friend am I? 

I don't want this to be about me and what I get.  I don't want this to be about a 21day fast either. I want it to be about Him.  A lifetime surrendered to Him.  I want to be in His presence because He is the love of my life. He is the beginning and the end, the great I Am and I am the bride of Jesus Christ just waiting to walk down the aisle. 

Daddy, I pray that You will allow me to climb up on your lap and just be in Your presence.

In Jesus mighty name.